Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
"Can't go under it, can't go over it, we gotta go through it!"
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
What do you call an autistic kid with orange hair?
A boomerang.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Cuz they are all dead.
A capital E backwards is just it's mirror image.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
