Venue jokes

If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!

Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?

Because he didn't want to get LOST in the FLOW.

Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?

Between 2 buttcheeks.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.