Vacation jokes
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.
Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Why did the tornado take a break?
Because it ran out of wind! 😂
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."