United Healthcare Jokes

CEO

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

Poison

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

CEO

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

Luigi

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"