Twos jokes
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans?
They already lost two towers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called βem βDuplocates.β
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says β911, what's your emergency?β The hunter replies βMy son just passed out and I donβt know what to do! I think he might be dead!β The emergency responder replies βBefore you do anything, make sure he is dead.β The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says βOk, now what?β
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Why does America suck at Clash of Clans?
They already lost two towers.
Why can't America play Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I donβt find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
Why is America so bad at playing Jenga?
Because they already lost two towers.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.