Their jokes

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Why do orphans miss half their basketball games? Cause they don't have home games.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?

Because they're believers.

Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

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  • Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

    Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

    Nerd: Because they're marsupials.

    Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!