The jokes
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"
What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
The walking dead.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."