The jokes
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
The difference between gorge floyd and kobe is kobe got air
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Why are the English so bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Your mama was so fat that she sunk the Titanic!
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
Why do orphans eat their cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk! 😂🤣
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.