The jokes
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
What do orphans call a family picture?
A selfy.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?
The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.