The jokes

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Say "invented" without the first "n".

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?

The clock actually comes back around.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.