The jokes

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"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"

"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"

Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.