The jokes
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
Why did the bus cross the road?
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
What's the twin towers' favorite football team?
New York Jets.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan?
One has a home to run to.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Why did the snowman melt?? It had a melt down! 😭😭
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why were the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?
The seventh door.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
I don't think we should eliminate the LGBT.
However-
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.