The jokes
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?
The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked!
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?
Nothing, they blew him up.