The jokes

What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

10, being in the middle, tried to prevent 9/11 from getting closer.

Sorry, I meant 9 and 11.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

The baseball player has a home to run back to.

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"

The girl says, "Just like your face."

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.