The jokes
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
I played Uno with my Mexican friend.
That bastard took all the green cards!
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.
Your mama's so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"
You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.
Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?
Because it required a parent's signature.
Yo hairline was used as the blueprint for the Great Wall of China.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.
The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.
Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Saw that shit on Roblox.