The jokes

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?

Because that's the average class size in America.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

What's still together after all the sh*t they've been through? Your butt cheeks.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?

Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.

What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.

I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."

Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?

A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

Your forehead is so big I could sell advertising space by the mile on it.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!

What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".

What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels!

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

Your sister is your mother.

Your father is your brother.

You all shag one another.

The Inbred family.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."