The jokes

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Fuck you, that's why.

What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?

"Long time no see!"

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?

The double trouble.

You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

Where is the best place to eat tacos?

In the Gulp of Mexico.

Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?

Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

I got banana nut bread for you.

Oh no, the nuts are missing!

Oh, I found them!

You know where they are?

UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!