Back

The jokes

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

  • 2

    • The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

    I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

    If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

    How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

    Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

    1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

    Why were the twin towers mad?

    Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.

    Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

    Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

    Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

    Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

    Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

    It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

    "Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

    So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"