The jokes
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
Q: Why don't Indians play soccer?
A: Because every time they're in the corner, they open a store.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to bed, the house shook.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."