The jokes
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did the South tower get instead of pepperoni pizza?
It got a bunch of plane.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, then they got plane.
Did you know the Titanic sank in water?
Titanic 1, Africa 0.
Yo mom's so old, she went into the museum and walked out with a raise.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
It has better reactions than the Twin Towers.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Meet the Family."
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.