The jokes
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?
He pressed the red button.
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, āShouldnāt! Wouldnāt! Couldnāt! Didnāt! Canāt!ā
āDonāt worry,ā said Doc to the worried husband.
āThose are just contractions.ā
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
(Omg omg literally dislike I'm so cringe!)
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didnāt stand a chance against the three of us.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."