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The jokes

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

Why do some kids have water with their cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.

I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!

I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!