The jokes

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

Want one way to get a free haircut?

Call the cancer hotline.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 episodes.

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

What’s the best time to commit suicide?

8 a’glock in the morning.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

The last two presidents of the US.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."