The jokes
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.