The jokes
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.