The jokes
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.