The jokes
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?
Snowballs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."