The jokes
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
The world's funniest joke? Your life.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...