The jokes
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.