The jokes
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"
The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Me, a Chinese woman, and her BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!”
Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.