The jokes
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on their face.
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.