The jokes
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
Why did the man decide to work at a pizza place?
Because he kneaded the dough!
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
The world's funniest joke? Your life.