The jokes
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?
Paul.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.