The jokes
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"