The jokes

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

How did the retard win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

Why did the butthole get angry?

So it could wipe every human, snipe.

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

No?

They both got six months.

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."

What was the computer's best pickup line?

Nice bits!

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.