The jokes

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So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

What did the cow say to the sheep?

“Moo!”

What did the sheep say to the cow?

“That was a bad joke!”

  • 2

    • How do Asian people name their children?

    They throw a pan down the stairs.

    What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

    So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

    I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

    Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

    Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

    My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

    Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

    Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.

    A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

    The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

    This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

    The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"