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I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

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    • The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

    How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

  • 6

    • Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

    Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

    My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

    Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.

    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.

    So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

    One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

    The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

    I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

    He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

    What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

    "Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"