The jokes
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I donāt know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because his ethernet cable disconnected.
The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.
Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th.
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?
Looks like I've only got myself to blame...
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.