The jokes
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To prove he wasn't a chicken.
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.
It means a lot!