The jokes
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.