The jokes
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
Short people tend to get angry easily...
'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
The sun isn’t the only thing that rose up this morning...
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
Dear Hearing People,
We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.
Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.