The jokes
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
What music scares balloons?
Pop music.
Why would the banana scream "ouch?"
Because it is getting peeled.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?
Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.
Why don't gay men have anal sex in Greece? because anal sex between gay men is against the law.
Why don't gay Greek men have anal sex with each other in Greece?
Because anal sex between gay men is against the law in Greece.
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."