The jokes
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
Why don't rappers struggle with geometry?
Because they have all the angles covered.
What do you call a rapper who can't rhyme?
A rapscallion without the rap.
Why do butts always win at poker?
They always hold the best PAIRS!
Why couldn’t the booty be on social media?
It had too many FOLLOWERS behind it.
Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
Why do asses make the best detectives?
They always crack the case!
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his booty strength!
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.