The jokes
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
Why do orphans only eat cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.