SOS jokes

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!

This is so damn funny!

There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"

So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.

A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I AM SO SORRY!

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

How did the toilet react when it received a gift?

That was so pot full (thoughtful)!

What made his beats so bad?

His name.

Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.