SOS jokes

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

Yo mama so nice she...

Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.

Yo mama so fat, she sunk the Titanic.