SOS jokes

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

Kid: You're so fat!

Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.

Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

Eating a clock is so time-consuming.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.