SOS jokes
Why are Nazis so good at soccer?
Because they're so good at shooting.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.
And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
Yo mama so fat, everytime she has to use the world's largest knife.
People who are bothering Gwen, stop. This is a joke site, and you guys should know that!
People, she is not even 40 or whatever. I see the comments, and they are so stupid. Do you even know her in life? No!!! Shut up and leave her alone!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."
I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.
Your mama so fat she sunk the HMS ship!
Yo mama so fat, she needs two watches for each timezone.
Your hairline is so far back dinosaurs are seeing it.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.