SOS jokes

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.

We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!

Yo mama so fat, when she went into an elevator, she had to go down.

You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

You are so ugly my man died.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

Bleach solves so many problems:

Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.

At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.