SOS jokes

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t find their way home.

Yo hairline so far, that if you put tables on it, it would NEVER end.

Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.

Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.

Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

Yo mama's so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?

Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

He is so fast that he broke the internet for the whole world when he ran.

Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

Your hairline is so big, it's bigger than the universe!

Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.

Yo hairline is so long it makes the Titanic look tiny.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."

So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.