SOS jokes
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
Yo Mamma's so fat that she falls from both sides of the bed.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.