Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
Will someone play Roblox Adopt Me with me?
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
I told a joke to an orphan, turns out he wasn't an orphan...
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?
Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.
Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.
Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<
Guy 1: Like I do care :$
Guy 3: But I do care :<
Guy 1: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
Guy 2: But you do care about me.
Guy 3: No.
Guy 2: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person
Because Logan Paul left him hanging
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
