So jokes

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.

My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

Why is America so bad at chess?

They lost both of their towers.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"

Yo mama so fat, she takes up the whole bed.

Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits around the earth, she sits around the earth.

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

“Ten,” says the doctor.

“What, years? Months?!”

“Nine...”

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.