There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says "my brother has just been hit by a car." The policeman replied with "OK then first I need to know your name." "Shut up" "No, I need to know your name." "Shut up." "Excuse me but where are your manners." "Round the corner picking up shit."
Helen Keller fell down a well she screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands
One time, a cow saved my life. -- It was bovine intervention.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out man.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.