A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend? Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword. Man: But I am already in love with you. And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy. The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again. Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl. And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender. Man: And here is some candy. And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too. One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him." Girl: I hate you, ugly man! Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl? The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-" And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender. 999 Service Guy: 999, what's your emergency? Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag. 999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries. 1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face. Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him. And the police show up. First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag? The girl points to the man and says "This man." Second Policeman: Let's arrest him. Man: No, wait! I can explain. Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car. When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years." One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison. The police see him and run after him. Third Policeman: Come back here! The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies. And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
what did the policeman say to his belly button?
YOU'RE UNDER A VEST
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other and a desk strapped to his back. A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir"
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
A woman ran into a police station screeming "help i have bin graped" the policeman said "do you mean raped" the woman said "no the was a bunch of then".
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says "my brother has just been hit by a car." The policeman replied with "OK then first I need to know your name." "Shut up" "No, I need to know your name." "Shut up." "Excuse me but where are your manners." "Round the corner picking up shit."
